Support After Pregnancy Loss

If you are reading this after a loss, we are sorry. Whether it was a chemical pregnancy, an early miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy, and whether anyone else knew you were pregnant, it is a real loss, and there is no right way to feel about it. This page gathers support that can help now: people to talk to, groups that understand, and signs that you need medical care.

You did not cause this

Early pregnancy loss is common. ACOG says it happens in about 10 of every 100 known pregnancies, and that in almost every case it is not a woman’s fault.¹ About half of early miscarriages happen because the embryo did not develop properly, often because of an abnormal number of chromosomes.¹ Working, exercising, stress, arguments, having sex, and having used birth control pills before pregnancy do not cause miscarriage.¹ If your mind keeps returning to something you did or did not do, that is a very common part of grief, and it is still not the cause.

What grief can look like

There is no single way grief looks, and it may not follow a straight line. ACOG notes that emotional healing often takes longer than physical healing.¹

For some people, the distress is more than grief. A study that followed 737 women after early pregnancy loss in London found that one month later, 29% met criteria for post-traumatic stress, 24% had moderate to severe anxiety and 11% had moderate to severe depression.³ Nine months later, those figures were 18%, 17% and 6%: lower, but still clinically important.³ If what happened keeps coming back to you, or you feel low or anxious most days, you are not overreacting, and support is available.

Free support you can reach today

Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support

Share is a nonprofit, founded in 1977, for anyone who has experienced the death of a baby during pregnancy, at birth or in early infancy.⁴ It offers peer companions, support by phone, email and in person, face-to-face and online support groups and chats, private online communities, and a Spanish-language program, Share Español: Esperanza.⁴ ACOG names Share as a source of support after miscarriage.¹

• Phone: 1-800-821-6819
• Email: [email protected]
• Website: nationalshare.org

Postpartum Support International (PSI)

PSI supports people through pregnancy, loss and the postpartum period. Its HelpLine, 1-800-944-4773, is not a crisis line: you leave a confidential message and a trained volunteer calls or texts you back with support and resources.⁵ You can also text in English to 800-944-4773, or in Spanish to 971-203-7773.⁵

PSI’s online peer support groups are free and led by trained facilitators.⁶ Loss groups include Early Pregnancy Loss Support (for losses at 20 weeks or earlier), Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support for moms and for parents, Dads in Loss, Black Moms in Loss and Black Dads in Loss, Pregnancy After Loss, Parenting After Loss, Trying to Conceive After Loss, and groups after termination for medical reasons.⁶

RESOLVE support groups

If your loss is part of a longer time trying to conceive, RESOLVE lists support groups across the country, in person and online. Peer-led groups are run by trained volunteers; professionally led groups are run by licensed mental health professionals and may charge a fee.⁷

If you need help right now

If you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. It is free, confidential and available 24/7.⁸ You can also call or text the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-852-6262.⁵ If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Talking to a professional

A counselor or therapist can help, especially if grief or anxiety is affecting sleep, work or relationships, or symptoms are still strong after several weeks. ACOG suggests talking with your ob-gyn or a counselor if either you or your partner is having trouble handling the feelings after a loss.¹ PSI’s HelpLine can also point you to perinatal mental health providers.⁵ If anxiety or low mood continues into a new pregnancy, our guide to perinatal anxiety and depression explains what to look for and what helps. Our Support hub lists more options, including therapists who work with fertility and loss.

Grieving with a partner

Partners often grieve differently: one may want to talk and the other may go quiet or stay busy. ACOG notes your feelings of grief may differ from your partner’s.¹ Neither way is wrong. It can help to name what each of you needs, to mark the loss together in a way that feels right, and to let each other grieve on your own timelines. PSI’s groups for dads and for parents are open to partners.⁶

Taking care of your body

After an early loss, ACOG advises not putting anything in the vagina for 1 to 2 weeks, including tampons and sex with penetration, to help prevent infection, and seeing your ob-gyn a few weeks later for a follow-up.¹ If you have questions about what is happening physically, see our guides to miscarriage signs and chemical pregnancy.

Thinking about trying again

There is no right time. ACOG says it is possible to get pregnant as soon as 2 weeks after an early miscarriage, and suggests talking with your ob-gyn about timing and taking time to recover emotionally and physically first.¹ Most people who have an early loss go on to have a successful pregnancy, and repeated miscarriages are rare.¹ If you have had two or more losses, testing can look for a cause.¹ When you do try again, the wait can feel heavier than before; our guide to coping with the two-week wait may help.